by Susie Michelle Cortright
About the Author
Start
with a sleep-deprived parent, throw in a troubled teenager, a
whining child, or a colicky newborn, add some graphic TV news
coverage, and even the coolest cat may lose her mind.
Releasing our anxiety or anger in the wrong ways can lead to
emotional and physical scars on our kids. When infants are shaken,
even for one heated moment, they can die. And it takes
only a moment to harm their little souls.
Our children are paying particular attention to the way we handle
difficult situations. And what we model for them will help determine
their success at controlling their own emotions as they grow up.
So, even in the face of total exasperation and anxiety, we must
stay calm.
For a long time, the advice has been to simply go away for a
moment and count to ten, but, as all moms know, sometimes that's
not so easy.
A small child may be frightened when mommy leaves to take a time-out.
Sometimes counting to ten just doesn't do it, and there's no time
to count to 100.
So here are a few tips, compiled just for parents, to help you
deal with stress and stay calm with your kids.
PREVENTATIVE MEASURES
The best time to work on staying cool is before you're hot.
*Declare a zero-tolerance policy on out-of-control emotions.*
You must decide, for yourself, that behaving this way is simply
not okay.
Think back to times when you were successful at controlling your
feelings. Perhaps you bit your tongue rather than hollering at
the boss. Or you were just about to let it fly at your husband
when your in-laws called and suddenly you couldn't believe the
sweetness of your own voice. See? We all have the power to suddenly
change our mood.
*Be prepared* Head off anxiety with preparedness. Have
at least one month's salary tucked away for a rainy day. Make
sure you have emergency supplies on hand, such as food, water,
and first aid supplies.
*Turn off the TV* Television news blasts graphic images
into your living room. Turn to Internet news sources or newspapers,
instead.
*Is there anything specific that triggers your emotions?
* Keep a journal for those times when you feel like you're ready
to fly off the handle. Do you notice any patterns--time of day,
hunger level, lack of exercise, a full calendar? Even extraneous
noise from a TV or radio can contribute to a feeling of over-stimulation,
which can set off an emotional explosion. Create a nurturing environment
for yourself.
*Take care of yourself* We're more likely to react to
a situation - rather than to simply act - when we haven't gotten
enough sleep or we haven't been eating right. Start your day with
a light breakfast that includes carbohydrates and protein. Then
continue to eat for energy throughout the day. More Energy for
Moms [insert affiliate link] features information on how to control
your mood with food.
*Daily exercise* provides a physical release to help you
control anxiety and aggression throughout the day.
*A regular routine of prayer and meditation* calms a chaotic
mind. Sit quietly for at least 15 minutes a day.
*Understand your children* Kids act the way they do for
a reason. Often, there's a developmental milestone associated
with a child's behavior. Understanding the reasons behind our
kids' actions can go a long way in helping us develop a sense
of empathy, compassion and, ultimately, tolerance.
IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT
*Take a few deep breaths* Diaphragmatic breathing helps
reduce stress. This will also give you a time-out, long enough
to make a rational assessment of the situation and to help you
regain a sense of control.
*Visualize* yourself as the cool, calm, person you strive
to be. Whom do you know who embodies these traits? Imagine this
person's reaction to the situation.
*Stop. Think. Then speak.* Remind yourself of the importance
of keeping yourself under control. If you feel anger or anxiety
building inside, don't pick up a baby. Ask for help or wait until
you are calm.
*Consciously lower your voice.* Yelling will only make
a child angry and defensive, and it can scare a young child. A
soft tone says you're in control.
*Don't catastrophize.* Resist the temptation to blow something
out of proportion. Avoid using the words "always" and
"never" when you talk to yourself and when you talk
to other people.
*Distract yourself.* Is there any way you can laugh about
the situation? Ask yourself: what is the real significance of
the situation that triggered your rage? It's more important to
model a healthy approach to stress than it is to win certain battles.
Choose those battles carefully.
Afterwards, reinforce your love for the child and retreat to
assess the way you handled the situation. What did you do right?
What will you do differently next time?
For Lots More Tips on Managing Your Life and Family Issues, Visit
Momscape.
About the Author
Susie
Michelle Cortright is the author of two books for moms and
the creator of an interactive, mind-body-soul fitness program,
designed exclusively for busy moms.
Click
here to learn more
