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Kids, Rudeness, and Teaching Moments
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC
“Here’s your water bottle, James!”
The eight-year-old snatched the bottle hard out of his mother’s
hand, and said, “Give me that!” A chorus of nervous laughter
followed from the parents nearby, including the boy’s mother.
James sauntered off, without acknowledging his mother’s offering,
or the presence of the other parents in the group.
We were attending a youth basketball game, and the hallway outside
the gym was filled with parents and revved up kids. This kind of
interaction between children and their parents is not unusual today.
We all see examples of kids acting more aggressively around their
parents. And unfortunately, we all see examples of their parents
doing little to change it.
In a society with kids who are “plugged in” to TV, computers,
and video games for record numbers of hours each day, it’s
easy to blame our kids’ behavior on the media garbage that
enters their lives. And as stressed out as parents are today, it’s
also easy to turn the other way when our kids act in rude and disrespectful
ways.
But if you do turn the other way from a “teaching moment”
like the one James’ mother had, you’ll create a whole
lot more trouble for yourself down the road.
We are our child’s main teacher in life. We are surrounded
by sarcasm, rudeness, and aggressive behavior. And we have the choice
about whether our children become part of this kind of culture,
or they adhere to a kinder, gentler, more respectful one. All we
need to do is to commit to what we believe in as mentors for our
children, and to follow through with “right action.”
In the case of James’ mother, she could track down James,
and as soon as they were alone, she could tell him that it’s
appropriate to say “thank you” when she gives him something.
She could tell him it’s also appropriate to greet other adults
that are in her group, and to make eye contact with them.
This can all be done in a calm and kind manner. It can be done
many times each day, depending on the behavior of your child. And
while it may be difficult and aggravating at times to follow up
consistently, the results will never fail to show up in your child.
We must remember that the development of a child is always connected
to the development of a parent. When we show discipline and patience
with our children, they’ll show it to us. When we let go of
our responsibilities, our laziness shows itself in our children
just as clearly.
Parents live in challenging times, but world peace still begins
at home.
Your teaching moments are waiting, along with your children.
About the Author Mark
Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches fathers by phone to balance their life
and improve their family relationships. He is an Instructor for the
Academy for Coaching Parents (www.acpi.biz), and the author of the
“Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” Ecourse. (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm)
Visit his resources at
www.markbrandenburg.com. |
