Features : Kids : Adoption

Adoption and The Single Woman

by Regena English
© 1999

Recently I read an article on adoption and the memories began to flood back to me of a time when women were destined to be childless if single and over 40. Women today still have obstacles to overcome but luckily the one that prevented adoptions by them has met its match.

The government finding its resources stretch beyond comfort has relaxed its qualifications on adoptions. Although adoption laws and requirements are left to the individual states, most have opted to let single men and women adopt.

There was a time when children without parents spent their entire childhood being shipped from one foster home to another until the ripe old age of 18 - a childhood spent feeling no one wanted them because states thought one parent homes produced immoral and corrupted individuals.

"Thirty years ago I was permitted to be a foster mom but not allowed to adopt." Jessica

Another possible reason for the new attitude towards single parent adoptions could be as simple as competition with other countries such as Eastern Europe and Central America. These countries are relieving their congested orphanages by appealing to Americans and Canadians yearning for children and a simplified adoption process.

Even those countries have kinks to work out of their system but kinks or not they have American states reexamining and in many cases doing away with old (rules) ideas of what makes for a happy home for children.

"In this country couples are given priority over single women for babies so I looked to Guatemala and was able to adopt a 6-month old girl." Coral

Another obstacle for potential adoptive mothers is the age factor. It's assumed a woman adopting a child at 45 will be less likely to see her child graduate from high school. What a silly assumption with women living in good health well past their 80th birthdays. Old stereotypes are hard to die but people are killing them everyday day.

"The adoption process can make even the most secure person feel inadequate when your age is a constant hindrance. At 51 I decided I had the patience and finances to raise a child but the adoption agencies thought 0therwise." Janiece

"I didn't bother approaching any American adoption agencies when I made the move to adopt instead I went to Brazil. A friend and her husband adopted a child there with little effort so I followed their footsteps and did the same." Coney 56

Utilization of attorneys who match pregnant women with potential adoptive parents is a costly avenue filled with more risks than advantages. Those women desiring babies should think long and hard before agreeing to sponsor the birth mothers' medical and living expenses. Believe it or not this method of adoption is controversial and can be viewed as the selling of babies rather than another adoption option. This method of adoption should be considered only as a last resort due to human nature.

The horrors of the birth mother changing her mind or the father showing up afterwards saying he wasn't notified of the adoption has left many adoptive parents back where they started, without children.

"I'm so embarrassed for being desperate and gullible. I paid all of her (birth mother) bills for four months then she changed her mind twenty minutes after the baby was born. There wasn't a damn thing I could do at that point but to plead and cry. My adoption lesson cost me a baby and left a pile of medical bills." B.C

"I received a late night call from my attorney a year after adopting Miguel that his birth father had filed a lawsuit alledging he wasn't notified of the adoption precedings." Mavis

"The birth mother and father decided to marry and wanted their child. Since the mother forged his signature on legal papers the adoption was nullified. The mother's punishment was a fine and reprimand by a sympathetic judge. I'm left without a son, where's the justice? "
45, Lisa

The best way to increase your odds of adoption is to contact Adoption Resources 336-731-3968 or National Adoption Center 800-862-3768 and get as much information as possible before you set out on your journey to parenthood.

About the Author

Regena English is the author of Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality, editor of two wholesome celebratory publications for single careerwomen (http://leatherspinsters.com), and she's also the creator of a specialized meeting service for non-sexual men and women http://www.asexualpals.com).

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